I’ve been trying to do this the wrong way for so long that I’ve buried myself in a ton of data and tormented my brain thinking that I had to get it out to the public in just the right way.
I finally realized that there is no right way, the way is to just do it. I have pages and pages of notes for a book I have yet to complete, I have pages and pages of notes for classes that I’ve still not completed, I have tons of ideas for study programs and recovery programs, and spiritual development programs….that have not been completed.
Why? Good question. I think I have finally found the answer. I’ve been held down by my owm depression, anxiety, frustration, heartbreak, drama, chaos, and torment all activated by my deep seeded emotions and connection toward a person who is a narcissist.
I feel like such a hypocrite. How dare I accept the responsibility to help others when I myself am living a lie. Or is it a lie? Is it a lie because I don’t openly devolve my own trauma yet I advise others on how to resolve their own?
Recently there were several events in my life that open the door and allowed the brightest light I’ve ever seen to shine through. So bright that it blinded me and afterward I have been able to see more clearly than ever before.
Most of the procrastination on moving forward with my dreams and goals and work is due to my beliefs. Our beliefs can cripple us, they can imprison us in negative feelings and emotions and eventually create the world we actually live in. Why?
Because our beliefs are part of our thoughts and our thoughts can, in reality, create actual events. Our thoughts create the world around us. They are truly that powerful.
For more than half of my life, I have believed that I had to always be the helper, the fixer, the motivator, the warrior, the mother figure, the do it all person, for everyone, no matter what it was. I think it was because from the age of six I was a mother figure for my siblings, and I became an adult at a very early age because of the dysfunctional family life that we lived in.
After my 30th birthday, I knew I had to change the path I was on and that things just weren’t working the way they were supposed to. It was a deep, deep knowing, in my gut that kept saying, “This isn’t right you must make a change.”
I realized I was actually enabling other people to the point they never did anything on their own. I was devoured by their messy lives and their problems while never being able to take care of my own. Because I believed that was what I was supposed to do.
Then I realized that it’s okay to help others, but to just keep doing it for them smoothers you and actually robs you of your own life. You have to let them go, eventually, and live your life, your way.
My beliefs from childhood had robbed me of so many years of independence that I was afraid of what would happen when I finally did, acknowledge, accept, and activate a new plan in my life.
Now at the age of 58, I’m coming into my true self. It feels good and yes, I still have a little of that fear, in the back of my mind, but….it keeps me processing the emotions, feelings, and beliefs and understanding them better.
I hope as this site is now in the processof coming alive and will be used to share important information with others, that you will share the link with those whom you think may recieve a positive message.
Until tomorrow, Love and Light, Blessings to you all.